For those who don't understand spanking they're lost and confused about the concept. They will immediately say it's abusive. They don't understand the "romance" of it all.
For those in committed vanilla relationships the intimate act of intercourse encompasses a wide variety of feelings and emotions. One of those is "Trust". It's no different with those of use in spanking relationships. The thought of a woman trusting me to spank her when and as she needs it is ultimate. It's literally beyond words.
First, she's submitting to me and trusting that I have her best interests in mind. She knows there are areas of her life that she has serious boundary issues with and needs someone to keep her in check. I have no desire to control her. Sometimes that's fun in roleplay but in real life she makes her own decisions. And what she wants in real life is a consequence for her wrong or bad decisions or behavior.
My wife, way before I met her too, can't think of a life where the husband isn't or shouldn't be the Head of the House. To her that means there can't be two captains of a ship. Now it isn't that I set all the rules and she submits to them regardless. It's actually that we both have set the rules.
For example, my wife simply does not want to get away with talking back to me. She recognized throughout her life that talking back to authority has done nothing but get her in trouble and cause problems. It's more of a lack of controlling what she says. She totally has the right to her opinion but it needs to be expressed correctly.
When we first began seeing each other I was surprised to hear her say that I had the total right to blister her bottom if she got mouthy with me. Now here's the kicker. It's not a kink with her. She isn't "into" spanking. She doesn't like being spanked at all. But she insists that she needs one from time to time and I should always remember that and be willing to do it.
To me that's the ultimate trust. Believing that when I spank her it's for her own good and that even though she doesn't it she needs and deserves it from time to time.